Really, guys? How dumb can we be?

Noting that Janzen Jackson, Mike Edwards and Nu'Keese Richardson are (as the opening monologue of COPS has all taught us) 'innocent until proven guilty,' this is one of the more moronic things I've seen from a team that - at least during the Fulmer-era - had more arrests than Barney Fife in the midst of a methamphetamine induced 'roid rage.

But this one may be the best I've seen in all my years.

First the decision is made to rob college students. The words 'rob' and 'college student' should never go in the same sentence - unless you live in the Fort. I found two wrinkly five-dollar bills - that's right, two - in my pants' pocket yesterday and nearly did a full twisting Tsukahara in celebration. Christmas had come early.

Well done fellas, bite the hand that feeds you free food, free clothes, free room and board and free books. Grant Ramey, sports editor

Who here carries enough cash around, on campus or off, to make robbery seem like a threat? ... That's what I thought.

This from the incident report provided by the Knoxville Police Department:

"The victims stated that a black male then approached, wearing a black hoodie, brandished a black semi-auto handgun, opened the drivers door and stated, 'Give me everything you have.' The victims stated that a black male then exited from the passenger side of the Prius, wearing a black hoodie, walked around to the front passenger door of their car, opened it, and stated, 'Give us everything you've got.'

"The victims stated that they all presented their wallets to the suspects and showed them that they did not have money."

"The victims stated that a third black male then approached and told the other two black males, "We've got to go."  The victims then stated that the three got into the Prius and that it was last seen traveling southbound on Volunteer Blvd West."

" ... The victims positively identified Edwards and Richardson as the two who approached their vehicle and demanded everything."

All of the above occurring at the Pilot on Cumberland Avenue; which happens to be owned, as the entire Pilot franchise does, by the Haslam family. Who are the Haslams? They just happen to be a family that includes two former Vols, and are arguably the largest donors to the Athletic Department.

Well done fellas, bite the hand that feeds you free food, free clothes, free room and board and free books. Oh and not to mention, free tuition.

I pay overpriced rent for a basement apartment - that usually smells like moldy dishwater - in Fort Sanders next to a halfway-house for crack heads (no exaggeration). I pay far too much for on-campus food that is over-priced and anything but overly-prepared and I've given into the Ponzi Scheme known as the UT Bookstore for seven-consecutive semesters now. There's enough robbery that takes place on campus every time the cash register drawer opens and closes.

Oh, and the part about the ‘semi-automatic hand gun’, it was an AIR-PELLET PISTOL. You’ve got to be kidding me. What'd you do, steal it from your little brother? Maybe a cap gun would be more effective next time. Am I the only one who thought of this and this when I first read the words ‘air-pellet pistol’?

That's two strikes against them. And I'm no math major, but isn't there some old adage about three strikes? Oh wait, there was a third strike.

The getaway car was a 2010 Toyota Prius? Who's your getaway driver? Al Gore? Were you thinking, "Let's rob college students, but we better not harm the environment while we do it."? The involvement of a Prius is an insult to all the getaway cars that came before it. Even Gore would be ashamed.

If you're going to use a getaway car, at least be cool about it. Use a 1981 Chevy Malibu with blacked-out windows and tailpipes that backfire as you dramatically drive off. Or maybe a '57 Chevy with one of those bumper stickers that says, 'I don't dial 911, I dial 3-5-7'.

Couldn't Richardson outrun a Prius in a 40-yard dash? You would be surprised. Is a Prius capable of backfiring? I hope they left the electric engine idling while they pulled the Red Ryder-like robbery.

It's uncertain what the consequences of the charges the three freshman face, but anything short of being kicked off the team and kicked out of school would be Brandon Spikes Eye-Gouging Catastrophe Part II.

If they can find the time to come up with these poorly thought of, poorly executed ideas in the middle of football season, what will they do to keep busy in not-so-exciting Knoxville in April?

But, seriously, I'm free tonight if anyone would want to...ah, never mind. It would never work.