The Duchess

Initial thought: Does Fergie have a Glitter-like biopic already?

Is Keira Knightley capable of acting in non-period films? Don’t get me wrong, she’s a wonderful actress. I’m just suspicious if she is even from this time. Maybe she was a terribly interesting woman from the 1800s who was Mr. Darcy’s spirited rival and a pirate. Home video cinematography was inexplicably better back then, of course.

Superhero! The Movie

Initial thought: Wow, a spoof! How innovative!

The trailer’s first joke is a wedgie. Will this be the movie to make Meet the Spartans look like a premeditated thought? Seriously, I swear the MtS trailer also had a breakdancing gag. Spiderman 3’s jazz and finger-guns montage already filled my quota of superhero dance sequences that are supposed to be funny but make me uncomfortable instead.

I read on IMDB that Jeffrey Tambor is in this. Movie gods, please make the Arrested Development movie a reality. He is way more deserving than this drivel.

The Happening

Initial thought: The trailer starts with a black screen that reads, “On an ordinary day.” Wasn’t that the name of a feel-good comedy about some British men crossing the English Channel? Gee, this could be misleading to unsuspecting viewers.

Basically, this movie is about a virus that causes most of the population to commit suicide. Prediction: when this film is released, negative reviews will contain many-a-pun about “wanting to kill myself before the movie was over, too.” Other theory: the surprise twist is that the cure will be the power of love/tears/water in general. The virus was caused by sneaky leprechauns who only wanted to be understood. Spoiler alert!

I love it in movies when they say the title in dialogue, especially when it’s as stupid as this one: “There appears to be an event happening.” M.Night Shyamalan, you couldn’t put that a little more subtly, buddy?