"Balls of Fury" has tiny balls indeed. For most of its seemingly endless running time, the movie drowns in desperate attempts to charm its audience, featuring both a lifeless plot and some of the most absurd dialogues ever captured on film.

"Fury" centers on former ping-pong phenomenon Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler), who's forced out of his retirement when an incompetent FBI agent (George Lopez) asks him to infiltrate an illegal table tennis tournament hosted by ruthless triad leader Feng (Christopher Walken). Thinking the FBI made a mistake by picking him, Randy first refuses, until he finds out that Feng is responsible for his father's murder 19 years ago.

Before embarking on his risky mission to bring down evil, Randy must first submit to an intense training program coordinated by the blind Master Wong (James Hong) and his merciless daughter Maggie (Maggie Q). Then it's off to Feng's palace "somewhere in Central America," where the world's best, and frankly most lunatic table tennis champs go one on one in a deadly competition.

If you think "Balls of Fury" follows the goofy style of "Dodgeball" and "Blades of Glory," you thought wrong. The movie could have easily headed into that direction, but screenwriters Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon had other, less intriguing plans. The result is nothing short of a lackluster comedy with an extremely shallow story, in which, well...nothing happens. ?

As soon as Randy agrees to carry out the FBI's ridiculous plan, he's pulled through a painful (both for him and the audience) training session that fills up the first hour of the film and produces more agony than laughter. Sadly enough, things don't improve once they get to Feng's residence. Before we know it Randy saves the day and completes his task, and by the time we checked our watch for the nth time, the end credits are rolling.

The few minutes we actually get to see all these loopy characters play table tennis are, despite heavy support by so-so visual effects, fun to watch and easily enjoyable. The downside is that there's not enough of it to really get the spectators going. All the movie does really is depend on stale and primitive jokes about Wong's blindness or Feng's private male courtesans.

Dan Fogler, whose credits include "Fanboys" and "School for Scoundrels," isn't much of a great actor, but I have to admit that the script doesn't provide him with many opportunities to prove himself. Instead, it looks as if his sole purpose in this movie is to sweat, take a spill and play some pong. Oh and his balls are obviously not big enough to make us laugh.

Maggie Q, on the other hand, handles her role better, but she constantly stands in the shadow of James Hong, who does a good job at playing an idiotic character. That leads me to the great Christoper Walken, who every now and then agrees to appear in a low-quality movie. Strolling around in his ridiculous costumes that make him look like Dracula crossed with Princess Amidala, Walken has a handful of funny moments that may generate a few laughs.

With "Balls of Fury," director Ben Garant (whose "Reno 911!: Miami" was ten times funnier) created an unsatisfying comedy that quickly falls apart and never recuperates. In fact, the quality of the movie worsens every minute, transmuting into a nearly unbearable bore that plays like a dead ball from start to finish. If you think about the time and money you waste watching this, I'm sure you'll explode in fury alright.

Grade: D